I am a basic bad bitch. Hence the title of this blog page. I giggled when I wrote that. Don’t get confused, I’m not a bad bitch by definition of the circular term. Like my ass ain’t fat. Honestly, I’m more of a bad basic bitch. My life is basic, I make bad decisions, and I’m a bitch.
I can paint a pretty dope ass picture of how amazing my life is but I’m getting tired of fabricating the truth to appear somewhat successful. Lying to make myself feel better about how stagnant my life truly is, doesn’t work. I know the truth. I sleep in a twin sized bed. Basic. I have a job I hate. Basic. And I’ve been single for seven years but managed to have a horrible break-up with someone I wasn’t with and who had a relationship of their own. BASIC! That is the definition of the millennial basic bitch. Not to mention, I live at home with my parents. “Hold up! You don’t pay rent. When you had your own place you never had company, you had no social life, and you’re celibate so the rule of no overnight guest won’t affect you. Sex is not even on the table. That’s not basic, that’s smart.” said inner self.
The bad decisions I’ve made are the highlights of my basic life. I can’t regret the apartment I paid way too much in rent to live in because it taught me about money management. The 803 square foot apartment itself taught me about how much space I need or better yet don’t need. It gave me a dream of where or what I want to live in next. Now, I do regret Susan. In the sense, I knew better than to be involved with her. I knew to leave when I told her she was manipulative, then in-turned told me she manipulated me and the situation on purpose with the intent to make me upset. I regret the continued suffering of my mental and emotional state because I didn’t deserve it. Even if I’m bitchie as fuck, I’m a great girlfriend and partner. Just maybe next time, I’ll actually be the girlfriend or partner.
I wish I could blame my bitchiness on being bullied at the age of 7 or even the constant encounters I have had with dating selfish women. Truth be told: I was a bitchie baby, a bitchie toddler, a bitchie teenager, and I’m a bitchie adult person. I was a newborn rocking the resting bitch face before the term was coined. Even as an adult, as much as I'd like to be nice the bitch in me refuses to die.
I’m no different than a lot of people in the world. I’ve been through life’s ups and downs and learned some valuable lessons. I’ve renamed this blog Basic, Bad, and Bitchie because that’s how I’m feeling at the moment. My mission is to share lessons learned but also with a freedom to allow myself to vent. I need therapy, since I can’t afford it, haven’t qualified to receive free services, and also cannot find a queer-friendly woman of color as counsel, this is going to be cathartic.
In my stories you may notice I will refer to different parts of my personality by names, I am not a celebrity but I can have alter egos. Erma is the basic ego. She does basic shit and, against my will, is an introvert. BreAnn is the bad ego and enjoys a good death drop. They are a lot of things and truly my favorite but they like to toy with bad behavior like a cat fucking up some toes. Ermacious is a nickname my friend Mandy came up with in 7th grade so we could trick white people to believe Erma was for short. Also because I thought my Black ass wasn't Black enough. Macious, as I like to call her, is a bitch. She was around and present way before 7th grade but I enjoy her having a name. Now I realize, it didn't have to be stereotypical but it was synonymous to what I believed to Black. If you experienced that side of me and we’re still cool consider yourself lucky or family.
I am a person who values honesty. I’m a bitch so telling other people about themselves is satisfying. Only thing, I struggle with telling the truth about my own life. I know the lowest moments in my life came from when I was withholding the truth. I was having a conversation with my mother the other day about just how much I value honesty. I consider it worse than murder. Like you could try to kill me and I’d forgive that over a lie. Don’t lie to me. First before I hold someone else to those standards, I must be that to myself.
This is my truth: I am Basic, Bad, and Bitchie.