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  • Erma BreAnn

"What are your intentions with my daughter?" What a famous question.

I don't expect every woman to fall in love with me. In fact, they haven't. Which makes it difficult to answer, “Why have you been single for seven years?” Since I am so wonderful, it is quite baffling for me to be single. The truth is somewhere between dating unavailable women, being picky, my “celibacy”, and whatever their reason was for ending things. I don't know. I know it's hard to believe but I enjoy being single. For no other reason than I like being with myself. Once I graduated from high school, inviting someone into my space was a step I did not want to take lightly.

I have always been the type of person to date with intentions. I tried celibacy to ensure women knew I was serious about what I wanted. I didn't want sex to confuse them or me. Turns out not having sex doesn't guarantee a successful beginning to a relationship. I also learned people do not appreciate my withholding of sex.

Nowadays, my intentions are different. My goal isn't a relationship. My only intention is to not lose myself in someone else. Living in this world of dating with zero intentions is new. I date differently. I am more relaxed and able to be myself. With zero intentions I can allow freedom for chemistry to do the work.

It has taken a minute to adjust. At times, I get confused about what exactly is going on without intentions. If I have no intent then what is happening when you spend all of your free time with the same person.

Now putting this to action is difficult. About three months ago, I started dated this wonderful woman who is witty and beautiful. She is someone I'd like to answer grandly with my intentions but the truth is I didn’t come into this with intentions. When we met, I was only hoping to leave the bar with a new friend. I mean I knew she was gorgeous and I was extremely attracted to her but I could have totally been her friend. My intentions are developing from who she is as a person and how we connect. Conveniently, she also didn't have intentions with dating me. Her answer when my friend asked her, “what are your intentions with Erma?”, was almost scripted. As if she practiced perfecting the best to leave the door closed but unlocked. It left the room confused but I wasn't worried because she and I have an understanding.

Although, she and I understand each other, I didn't realize until I started writing this piece that there was a difference between expectations and intentions. When she would tell me she doesn't have any expectations and I agreed, I really meant I don't have any set intentions. In a sense we are on the same page. We aren't expecting this to turn into a relationship. She wasn’t expecting me to do things for her in the way other women expected of me. She didn't place committed relationship expectations on me from day one. We had no intentions for a relationship when we met. it has relieved a lot of pressure. It was a date then there more dates. We are getting to know one another. We enjoy spending time together. We are learning about one another in a way I haven't done before. She's getting to know the real me. Honestly it feels great to be flamboyant nerdy Erma.

I recently heard a man say, “love me first, then expect.”

I guess Jess is on something. Well so am I. I once came into dating with set intentions and was disappointed when it didn’t turn out the way I planned. It’s been three months, so I must say I have a few intentions but my intentions are not based on some hopeless romantic idea of what love and relationships should be. My intentions are because of who she is as a person. It’s still new and we are still getting to learn one another, there’s no rush. It's fun to think about where she and I could go with our relationship but like the people say “it’s a marathon not a sprint.” Mind you, I’m a sprinter, but I’m learning to run at a slower pace.

She’s my valentine and I haven’t had one of those in a while. I love getting to know her and I am pretty sure she feels the same.

Erma BreAnn

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