When I came up with the title of my blog, I was pretending to take notes during a meeting. I was also talking shit because, hey, I was bored. I had a revelation, I'm a little bitchie. So as I doodled and scribbled, the words flowed through my brain like magic. When I wrote down, Basic, Bad, & Bitchie on my notepad, I knew right then, I had to be able to stand in my truth and not feel shame about my title. I come from a Christian home, so profanity is the devil’s language. No worries I don’t think my mother thinks I’m the devil, I just speak his language. The only word you will hear in my home is hell and I still can’t say it in front of my mother. We were not raised to use profanity. I balled my eyes out the way my father looked at me in disappointment when he learned his twelve year-old daughter was cursing at school. At that time, I was fond of the words: shit and damn. It took years before I could gain the strength to say bitch and fuck. Oh but when I did.
For the past year of working at a high school while trying to break into producing a blog and YouTube content, with almost every video or skit, I heard “What if your employer sees it?” I had this underlying fear of what would happen to my livelihood if my internet content fell into the hands of the students or the company. Even now working in the arts, I practiced caution with telling my executive director the name of my blog. There is always this fear of being too much of myself on the internet.
Doing anything on the internet is almost like a tattoo on your face.
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Bitch, this my life.” I thought.
What would actually come out was something closer to fear. I wouldn’t post a video, I wouldn’t post a new article, I stopped creating all together. I imprisoned myself based on other’s opinions and rooted in their fear.
In September of this year, I decided to write for myself. I changed the name of my blog, originally titled ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Erma’, to a title which fits me. The original title was absolutely horrible but it was safe. Playing it safe doesn’t make me happy. Walking in my truth and standing behind my words with strength has changed my world. Creating and doing things that make me proud has opened doors for me. I no longer wish to live in fear of my work getting in the hands of my employer. This is my life and I need to enjoy every moment of walking in my truth.
Being authentically Erma BreAnn has been a blessing. By doing so the universe has gifted me options and choices. God and the universe knows what I value and those desires are in full fruition. I have been blessed with releasing the weight of fear.
Do the thing that scares you. Release your fears and walk in your truth. Take a chance on your art and your craft. Believe in yourself. It may not happen as fast as it’s been happening for me but it will happen. I am by no means where I want to be but I see movement. I’m not Cardi B status of making money moves; I’m just making moves and being myself while making them.
Also, check out the blog I wrote over at Curly Nikki about How Cardi B Helped Me Deal With My 9 to 5 Job